Oh mahi-mahi, Oh hell yes
I was recently invited on a fishing trip to attempt to catch the infamous mahi-mahi in the Sea of Cortez. This fish goes by many names, but in Hawaiian the title mahi-mahi is derived from the word strong. And strong it is, as well as a truly majestic creature when you watch it leap in the air, elegantly jumping from the water to catch its prey. One might consider it a performance akin to a Greek tragedy once you have actually caught this aquatic beast as it desperately tries to break free and escape.
The tenacity with which it puts up a fight is what has made this phenomenal sea creature such a favorite when it comes to the sport fishing community. As it tries to flee, you need to let it liberally run free and simply allow for the mahi-mahi to swim away feverishly while attached to your line until it wears itself out, losing its strength. This does not happen quickly, however, since it is a greedy and gluttonous animal that can weigh 20 pounds or more; the world record is 87 pounds. And although our fish was a bull (or male) more in the 30 pound range, it still took more than a quarter of an hour to reel him in.
After every attempt to reign him in and end his fight for life, he countered with another effort to embrace his survival and freedom. His body thrashed and lunged in the air every time he ran, and it was an incredible spectacle and dance to be part of. I felt both exhilarated by the energy of our struggle, as well as heart-wrenched as I tried to capture my precious prize. You could feel his commitment to life reverberating all the way down the line, vibrating from the hook that was locked in his jaw to the end of my fishing pole as I firmly clutched at my rod and reel struggling to take in the line with my sore and sweating hands.
It was not just the tenacity and zeal of this fish that was truly phenomenal though. It was also the visual changes with the coloration of his body displayed throughout our battle that were especially aweing and astounding to witness. When we first spotted the mahi-mahi feeding in the water his skin appeared more silver in color with a vibrant blue streaking. However, once he had been ensnared and the fight had begun his pigment transitioned into a dazzling yellow with a deep dark green flashing from his pectoral and dorsal fins. The mahi-mahi, also called the “dorado” because of their incredible golden color, have pigment-bearing chromatophore cells in their skin (like all fish) that can change based on their mood and activity. As this creature was either more satiated or desperate to survive his body showed perceptible changes that reminded me of a segment of the rainbow that had been ignited by fire and was now bursting with aquamarine glowing iridescent flames.
After a formidable struggle, my venerable opponent relinquished the force of his fight so I could finally pull my tightened line in getting him beside us, which allowed us to hook his gills and heave him into the belly of our boat. In doing so, once he was out of the water the hue of his skin changed yet again now mirroring the shade of shadowy sea grass. It was as if his once golden luster was now being engulfed by an emerald wave receding back towards the bottom of the sea. I kneeled before him and watched him reverently as he grew more still and lay on the bottom of our boat, and as I did so it seemed as if even his eyes were changing, matching the emotions captured by the fading language of his body.
I have been thinking about this a lot as of late, as my body grows older and is fraught with changes too. As a model and former stripper, I have spent much of my adult life staring at myself through a lens which examines me nearly (if not fully) exposed and naked. I notice all the subtle shifts in my physical appearance and can cling to an unrealistic image of myself from a time long ago in my past. Sometimes, I look in the mirror and get so critical about the recession of my gums, and the dimples I find on my thighs and my belly. Sometimes, I am straight up unkind to myself and I say terrible, hurtful, awful things. And although aging is inevitable and natural (which in Buddhism is part of the 5 Remembrances), why do I see these transitions for myself as something ugly and often grotesque? Is there a way that I can instead see myself more like the mahi-mahi, where every time I metamorphose I am utterly amazed and mesmerized by what I am capable of?
What media messages have I unreasonably ingested that led me to believe that my evolving body is anything less than miraculous and exquisite? How have I come to believe that every flaw and blemish I possess is anything other than extraordinary and completely perfect? Hasn’t every fault and fold been formed from a story that I can tell and it is a part of me and I am phenomenal simply by the virtue of my existence?
Now I am trying to find more ways to love every scratch and scar, like they are part of the divine map that is marking my journey. I’d like to treat each bruise like a beautiful bump on the road that has been created by my life as it unfolds—even if there are moments that I would rather not repeat again, if possible.
So lately, I am starting to speak more words of affection to my wrinkles, lines and creases, and thank them for being part of the skin that is securing the bones of my skeleton. I want to whisper sweet nothings to every part of my being like I am my own enchantress and lover because I would like to support my soul to believe that it can age with grace and dignity. I want to embrace who I am and all that I have become in the body I possess RIGHT NOW in the present. I want to let go of the past and my fears of the future because I don’t want to take the moments I am ACTUALLY LIVING for granted!
There is science that supports that it is possible to wish loving kindness towards other humans and ourselves and even our enemies, which can cultivate more relaxed states of serenity, inner peace and well-being. And we can adapt our mindfulness and the meditations we choose to use to include loving kindness (which in Buddhism is called “metta”) towards all the parts of our anatomy that we may both outwardly love or secretly despise more equally. This can have a similar psychological effect, enabling ourselves to feel more comfortable in our bodies, which can improve our mindset, mood, self-acceptance and all of our interactions too—including the ones that are sexy!
It’s nearly impossible to feel relaxed during intimacy if we can’t love the entirety of ourselves unconditionally and we are habitually swimming in our heads with self-effacing judgment. So, if you have noticed that you are not loving yourself the way that you would like to—then please reach out to me so we can create practices for support. Whether you would like to change the language you use, the diet you choose, or the physical activities you engage in to connect with yourself more lovingly—I would love to be your guide and your coach! Because we all deserve to feel fully alive and able to vibrantly love our whole selves, but sometimes we simply need a little love, sex and relationship help to be able to do so.
Which brings me back to the mahi-mahi and one final fun fact involving sex and this sensational creature, which is sometimes referred to as the “rabbit of the sea.” The mahi-mahi eats voraciously, growing up fast and usually sexually maturing by 6 months of age. Like a rabbit, they also reproduce rapidly and can spawn up to three times per year. During this time, females can produce up to a million eggs, releasing them every 2-3 days until their supply is exhausted while the males release their sperm into the ocean allowing for external fertilization. Thus, although the average life-span of the mahi-mahi is only 3-4 years, it is able to proliferate with substantial abundance making it a great sustainable fish to catch and a tasty pescatarian treat.
May we all live our lives like the mahi-mahi with an abundance of food and sex while we play in life’s waves and celebrate our bodies freely changing and adapting as they need to!
