Wisdom from the Deep Dark Chasm - of my womb

My teacher Layla Martin once said “the darkness holds infinite potential” and I have been pondering that statement for a while. It seems particularly relevant to muse upon this right now as the northern hemisphere tilts away from the warmth of the sun and we experience the stillness of the autumnal and soon winter seasons. This is when we lose our light and oftentimes our luster - oh so steadily as well. This is when the leaves on the trees curl up and dry. They fall from the limbs in a cascade of colors, or sometimes the trees just shed their coat like some sort of frightened cat losing all its hair at once. They drop everything on the first cold and blustery afternoon, covering the streets with their withering essence crackling on the sidewalks under my feet as I shuffle along. 

The wisdom in the spiritual teaching that the darkness holds infinite potential is contrary to society’s message that when things are bleak they are also inherently bad. Oftentimes then, when our vision fades to black we let ourselves spiral into a void of despair and can’t see beyond the walls of our own self-inflicted chasm of doom. When we slip into this light/dark, good/bad, love/hate way of thinking we not only limit ourselves from seeing larger cosmic connection, but additionally we inhibit ourselves from seeing that beauty can rise from the serenity of the dark. Although it has taken me years to see the full potentiality that can come from my own sorrow, when I add imagery to this now it makes sense and I can pendulate back to a place of inner peace.

So, the other day I was feeling super low and completely drained. But when I had a free moment, I actually took the time to meditate right then and there, right where I was. Which happened to be at the tire shop, freezing my ass off while they switched my summer tires to winter. Maybe that was a metaphor for the way I was feeling on the inside as well, but in any event I just leaned into the darkness and dropped in as I sat in that hard chair alone in the waiting room as my feet turned to icicles pressed against their concrete floor. I followed my breath from my throat to my lungs all the way into the bottom of my belly and at the base of my womb space too. I imagined slowly sinking down to the far depths of the ocean floor and when I finally got down to the bottom it was pitch black. It felt like it was devoid of movement and like I was in a place of stillness, but also a pit of decay. I felt like this space in the universe lacked all light and life. However, I pushed myself to keep imagining and thought about how in truth this place held all the capability for creation. 

Scientists have discovered that bacteria actually thrive in incredible abundance at the very bottom of the Mariana Trench, which is the deepest known part of the ocean floor where previously humans thought that nothing living could possibly ever survive. Not only are there actually more measurable bacteria at these greater depths of nearly 8 miles below the ocean’s surface than in the spaces half this distance above, but scientists have also found NEW species of bacteria there too. They observed creatures that had never before been seen thriving at the ocean’s bottom where they had formerly suspected there to be only an absence of life.

While I was meditating, I went on to take this imagery one step further. I pictured how we human beings and other animals, plants and fungi are all made up of eukaryotic cells which have been guesstimated to have formed from simple bacteria (not so dissimilar from the same type found deep on the ocean floor) metamorphosing to eventually become our present day wondrous species. From the death and decay that settles on the ocean floor comes the promising potential and possibility for emerging and miraculous life. Even the most dire spaces cloaked in a veil of pure obsidian obliqueness can allow for beings to manifest their inner light!

This is the type of visualization I like to use when I am imagining the darkness holding infinite potential for me. These days, this is also just one of the ways I like to steady myself when things get shaky and hard. And it’s an exciting time, really, because invoking images like this has actually been referenced by leading interpersonal neurobiologists like Dr. Daniel Siegel to promote mindfulness, which has now been proven to strengthen  neural connections in our brain. Neural integration in turn supports our overall bodily well-being. It’s not only helpful, but truly it is healthy to be able to drop down deep towards the stillness of the ocean floor where the turbulence of the waves of our busy lives do not affect us and in solitude we can collect ourselves and gather our thoughts. When we are able to be more mindful and present with ourselves it also turns out we are able to become more empathic towards others and feel more connected with all of humanity. Mindfulness also helps us become better lovers. When we cultivate our love affair with ourselves we start to become present with a sublime attunement to all those persons that we love the most. 

So, today I am just encouraging myself as well as you to be gentle with ourselves as we lean into the transition of the changing seasons. Regardless of whether you are somewhere warm or there is soon to be snow on the ground, the hours of daylight are shorter and nature is more dormant during this time of year. I encourage you to listen to your body and whatever message is being shared with you from inside yourself deep and intimately with tenderness.

Mindfulness doesn’t have to come from sitting still and meditating. It can come from simply being present with what you are feeling and wholeheartedly accepting it so it can be free to flow through you as needed no matter what you are doing. And whatever you are feeling, I invite you now to consider that these are the months for shedding that which no longer serves us and coming to rest as needed. These are also the months for conjuring and summoning our deepest desires from the cauldrons of our bellies to be birthed from the darkness when next spring is all too soon upon us. And there once again from the darkness will come infinite potential if only we give it time to reveal itself with gentle slowness.