Make love to me cicada style!

Words cannot begin to describe the incredible collection of insights I took away from my retreat in Costa Rica. There was: the Jane Fonda-style crystal egg workout, sex magic practices, yoni gazing, the shower of compliments, sensory immersion, present moment beach walk-abouts, ecstatic dance parties, pussy breathing, and numerous other breathwork sessions that broke open everything from my metaphorical rib cage to access my raw and wriggling heart to the laying on of healing hands at the center of my womb space & pelvis while I fucked the infinite consciousness of the divine masculine energy of the universe.

Yes, all of these practices and more each had their teachings, which I hope to keep unraveling and revealing to you in due time. I will start by sharing a practice at the beginning of the retreat that left me in beautiful tears and touched my heart, pussy, and soul, which at this point I am inclined to think are inextricably and perfectly intertwined.

We were told at the opening ceremony for our retreat that our days and evenings would be busy, and full of workshops, practices, rituals, and activities. And that while we were situated at an idyllic Costa Rican hilltop beach resort with a jaw- dropping view, we would have our whole lives to play on the beach and romp naked by swimming pools, and this was an unparalleled opportunity to take part in activities lead by tantric masters that might be a once in a lifetime experience. With that, we were told to head off to our cabins, get a good night’s sleep and in the morning we would begin with our first crystal egg pussy pleasure practice and we were absolutely NOT to be late.

So, in true Abi fashion, I almost got there late!

I ran in just as the doors were closing to take part in the day’s crystal egg practice and since all the other yoga mats on the floor that were much closer to our teacher Layla Martin were taken, I quietly seated myself in one of the last spaces in the back of the room next to a very sweet-eyed Indian doctor who appeared to be in her late 50’s and was from Florida. On the other side of me, the space was empty, as it was the open area in case you needed to exit the room and head towards the door. I’d say I felt a little alone and exposed; however, in front of me sat one hundred half-naked women who all looked about the room both eager and nervous. All of these female-identifying beings knew each other from our online coaching program, but none of us had ever had a “class” in person. So, this felt like the first day of goddess school in a way, which was both kind of adorable and exhilarating!

When the music started playing, we were to follow the guided instructions and slowly insert our crystal eggs into our pussies and then we could move and moan and engage in free expression with the option to climax as well, but that was never the goal. The goal was to simply experience uninhibited movement and pleasure and honor your authentic bodily process. The goal was to only insert your crystal egg if your body said “hell yes!” and only yes and to honor the messages your body was telling you if it was saying NO. We were told that we could still do the practice energetically if our pussies were saying no and that it was important to listen when our bodies were talking to us and that pleasure could come from so much more than simply the inside of our vaginas. If we lean into the sensations of pleasure, the rest will come.

So we began, and at first I pretended I was shy and put the blanket over my naughty bits to feign modesty. However, after a while of stroking our bodies, breathing and moaning, fully naked women started to stand and gyrate. They began to hum like they were singing and sway in the light of the morning sun. In time, they began to cum as well—sometimes out loud and sometimes quietly. Sometimes they orgasmed sweetly and sometimes they shrieked, as every creature’s orgasmic process was quite different. Sometimes the orgasms sounded more like the wails and songs of banshees howling and threw me out of my head more than soothing me as I stroked myself and searched for my own profound and perfect pleasure. But, when I managed to stay with my breath and just keep leaning into the sensations of my body and when I managed to focus on one pure point of orgasmic bliss inside of me then I had the power to manipulate the sounds around me into anything I wanted them to be. It was in these moments that I could actually choose to ride the passion like it was a creature inside of me that I was bridling. And instead of it having a mind and will of its own that I could not control, right then it was my beast that was beautifully doing my bidding.

And eventually, I lost myself in those moments where I was floating on the waves of vibration and energetic elation from 100 ineffably divine enchanted beings all reaching for pleasure, release and delight together, all as siblings of the universe, all at once. As I felt these creatures' songs, I imagined that I was literally making love to them all and allowing myself to be penetrated by the pulsation and oscillation emanating from all of them beside me. It was in visualizing this that I too finally let go from first the space of my womb and then up through my chest and heart and into my throat where I began to moan and let go of my song, which in this particular moment sounded like it came from some ancient weathered woman paying ecstatic homage to the beauty of all her magnificent gods. As she sang, I felt my orgasm fill the space of my forehead and as it did I began to cry, softly and quietly, as I was cumming - and it was SEXquisite! The wave of pleasure finally finished washing over the entirety of my body, and as it did so I slowly began to smile and delicately laugh out loud. The doctor next to me turned to me with big bright brown eyes and said “you have a very nice smile” and smiled back at me as I giggled. Then, our teacher gently guided us back to reality and the practice was over.

If you had told me a year ago to just “feel into the energy” I would have likely disparaged such hippie woo-woo bullshit. But, I FEEL it now and I think I finally GET IT even if it doesn’t always make sense. There are more scientific studies backing up these findings for animals and plants and everything in our biome both emitting and responding to the vibrations of energy like it is sumptuous nourishment for their molecular souls. 

So, as I continue on my tantric quest to keep having more and more incredible sexual connection with both myself and my partners I am now bearing this experience in mind. You see, you can amplify your orgasms and expand the intimacy of your sexual encounters if you are consciously getting off and entangling yourself with your partner’s energy, in addition to that of your own. And the more connected you are able to be when you are making love together and playing with your vibrations and this energy then the more ecstatic your climactic bliss and appreciation for one another can come from it. This is the bar I have now set for myself when it comes to my desires for experiencing pleasure in partnership. I know that I will still have sassy little quickies, sleepy sex, crazy kink, and everything else in between–and all of these type of SEXcapades are indeed beautiful and perfect too. However, if I have the opportunity both to teach myself and other humans how to have more little slices of nirvana from really feeling into our own and others’ energetic vibrations to develop a deeper appreciation of the divinity in one another, even though nothing is permanent, nor ever lasts and that’s part of the magnificence of the gift really too, then goddammit, I am going to diligently and delightfully try!